This morning I woke up with strong urge to write.
And suddenly I remembered about my long lost and forgotten blog and couldn’t shoved it out of my mind for the entire day.
I spent my lunch time visiting this blog, re-read everything and somehow it feels so emotional for me.
Those past memories are rushing back to the surface.
So here I am on my late night writing session, trying to collect all of my writings from my Path and Instagram accounts, and trying to re-write some of them to this blog.
I never realized that I wrote so much in the past years. It is time to put everything in one platform. Just so I don’t forget my own stories.
Stories exist as a reminder, of the things that I’ve gone through in life.
But stories also have to be made.
So I hope I will always have the courage to go out there and create more stories for myself.
Tonight, I am reminded that everyone has their own battle. The suppressed feeling. The unspoken sadness.
They might not show it, but that doesn’t mean that the pain is not real.
But I hope, I really hope that you’re doing okay.
Tomorrow is another day.
Sometimes I wonder how my dad can keep up with me. A very unconventional daughter. He worries when I come home late. Yet he lets me travel the world on my own. He got panic if I don’t answer his call. Yet he allows me to do whatever I want. Bungy jumping, scuba diving, mountain trekking. I know he always silently pray for my safety. A daughter that sometimes too selfish and stubborn. Yet he loves me so.
Sometimes I wonder how my dad can keep up with me.
But maybe it’s simply because he’s my dad.
I think most of us have certain fear that we may not realize until it’s time for us to face it.
Then we have two options: fight or flight. The easiest is (probably) to flight. But that means we keep that fear with us.
But what if, you want to fight but you’re not sure whether you’ll win or not? is it worth it? Is it worth the damage?
But what if, it’s never about the winning? What if, it’s actually about the courage to try? What if, it’s about trust? How much do you trust yourself?
Do you trust yourself?
What if, fear is present in the exact moment that you need to trust yourself once again? That when fear is come, it’s a sign that something good will happen to you.
But only if you trust yourself with the courage to try.
Q: What is your most memorable moment during your work here?
A: When I said to myself “ini gimana cara gue ngerjainnya ya?”
Q: ..and how is that positive?
A: Because that means I’m doing something new. I’m in a new situation and I can learn something new.
I feel scared and anxious all the time. Most of my works that I do right now, I know nothing about. I’m taking baby steps each and every time just to ensure that I start something, knowing that I can craft the path along the way.
There are days when I came home with my head so full I just sit in silence so I can sort everything out. There are days when I just shrugged it off and trying not to care.
There are days when I wish I could go back to the day when it’s all fun and play. But there are also days when I think that the sense of thrill not always come from something physical. Sometimes it’s mental. And it’s exciting too.