On Fear

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I think most of us have certain fear that we may not realize until it’s time for us to face it.

Then we have two options: fight or flight. The easiest is (probably) to flight. But that means we keep that fear with us.

But what if, you want to fight but you’re not sure whether you’ll win or not? is it worth it? Is it worth the damage?

But what if, it’s never about the winning? What if, it’s actually about the courage to try? What if, it’s about trust? How much do you trust yourself?

Do you trust yourself?

What if, fear is present in the exact moment that you need to trust yourself once again? That when fear is come, it’s a sign that something good will happen to you.

But only if you trust yourself with the courage to try.

On Being Strong

We are who we choose to be.

I’m not born strong. In life, so many times I ended up screaming to myself “I’m tired, I’m scared, I’m lost, can I just stop, can I be not care, can I go back and hide, I’m not doing this anymore, I can’t, I just can’t”. And that’s how weak I am.

But I don’t run from myself. I travel. I travel to the other side of the globe. I travel to every corner of my inner self. I travel to find beauty. I travel to heal. I travel to face my fears. I travel to understand. I travel to see. I travel to feel.

And I travel to trust myself. That this internal compass will lead me to wherever life needs me to learn a lesson. Or two. And I travel to have hope. To choose. Will I go back or go on? And I know. More often than not, I choose to go on. To try new roads. To try new turns. To lost myself even further. Because that’s how I learn. That’s how I try to be strong. That’s how I lost and found myself again. That’s how I choose to live. That’s how I choose to be strong.

I’m Not Lost.

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This is my end of year reflection.

What do I do in new year’s eve?

Getting lost. Again. In a city I don’t familiar with.

I started to think that being lost is my theme for this year. I don’t feel belong to the work I’m currently into. I don’t really know what I want in life. Most of the time I feel clueless. I don’t feel I’m on the right track.

And maybe I need this trip to constantly throw me to strange place, to the wrong place, to where I’m not supposed to be. Just to teach me that there is beauty in every corner, even in unthinkable places. That there are lights in places that never occured to me. That above everything, I need to trust myself, every reason, every decision, and every step that I ever made. That I will always aligned with life.

I’m not lost. I’m creating my own path.

Copenhagen.
December 31st, 2014.

So Nervous with My Upcoming Trip

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Hello!

Well it’s been a while. Oh my god, I know that I hadn’t do anything about this blog for years. Sorry blog.. Now I’m here :)

Ok, so why nervous? What happenned?

Well, it’s kinda silly actually. Tomorrow I’ll do my first solo traveling everrr.. Yaayyyy!!!

Oh wait.. noooo I’m so nervous….

I’ve been traveling a lot, so solo traveling should not be a big problem. But maybe the nervousness comes because I will travel to the countries I’ve never visited before, and it’s in winter. Yep, winter. I don’t think winter is my best friend. Sorry winter..

So I plan to go to 7 countries in Scandinavian and Baltic area. Yep, you got that? Okay, now imagine the winter. Uhhuh. Not good. So not good.

I came from tropical country where the sun is too excited to see me everyday. Now I’ll go to places where the sun only available for 6 hours a day, if it’s in good mood. So…. hhhhh

Okay, I might exaggerate a little ;p

But I did have bad experience with winter. I got winter blues. Or seasonal affective disorder. It was last year in Prague. The temperature was around  3°C and lower. Everything was so grey and gloomy. I couldn’t really enjoy my stay there. I feel uncomfortable and not happy. Not sad, but not happy. A little bit depressed.

Last year I was with my family. And that also what added up my nervousness. Because this time, I will be alone.

What if I got depressed again? What if I feel lonely? What if I don’t enjoy my trip?

The thought bothered me for the last 2 months. Then I found way to managed it. I browsed for cities that I plan to visit and look for exciting places and things that I can do there. I got excited and forgot about my nervousness for a while.

Now, I see my upcoming trip as a way to challenge my comfort zone. I’m okay if the winter affects me. But before that, I’ll find way to amuse myself. So my happiness will block all the depressing thought that wants to surface. Then again, what I love from traveling is the chance to know and understand myself better. And with that, I can grow to be better too.

Wish me luck :)